How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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