Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
