Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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