When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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