My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
