Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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