JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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