I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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