I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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