You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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