guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
