It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
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dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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