Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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