A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
time to smoke my breakfast
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
