her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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