even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
