i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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