as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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