Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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