community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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