I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
