Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
