I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
