We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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