You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
