I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
