I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
