I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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