You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
