I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
