how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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