hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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