She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
