Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I touched a dick in church today
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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