I think I am morally bankrupt
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
