Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the condom got lost in my hair
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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