why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Every concussion has its silver lining
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
