At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
