I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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