we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
