I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
