I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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