ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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