"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
