Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
