One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
