So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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