what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
