I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
