so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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