If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
His nipple licking is glorious
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