Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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