I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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