the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
