How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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