good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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