Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
