my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
