Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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