apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
