You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize