He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
