I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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