R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
