This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
