I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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