I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
