She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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