I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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