So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
