I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
