you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
