I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
