the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
