Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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