forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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