Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize