just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
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You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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